A plane ticket to a new life. By A Softer World.
I don't think I have ever found something more spot on and perfect for a moment in my life. I have done just this very thing. I bought myself a plane ticket to San Diego for my birthday. Completely and unapologetically on a whim. It started out as a trip to see my friend Steve who I love very much. He kept firm to his stance that he may not be there in March. I can understand as I've had my share of uncertain moments. My plans were crushed and I was a little sad at the thought of spending my birthday in the cold in this apartment all alone. Then lo-and-behold I made a new friend. His name is Brian and he's actually from this town that I now reside in. The way it all happened amazed me. It was so strange. Now I can still go to San Diego and I've made a new friend who is into a lot of the same things as I am.

I haven't talked about any of this "publicly" yet, but now is as good a time as any. I am wanting to move away from here. I am going to move away from here. I feel as if I have come to the cusp of what I am able to do here. I don't feel as if I'm growing as a person and that I won't be able to attain my goals or even really seriously realize what they are until I am away from this comfort zone I'm stuck in. This trip is a mini vacation, but it is also to see how I feel about Southern California. I mean, in theory it sounds amazing. All of the activities I want to be a part of. Lots of people. Warm warm warm. The ocean. Right. There. Culture. But, I am realistic and know that I could go there and it could not be a fit for me at all. It's something very very possible. But, I have to go and see. I have to try.

The conversations haven't been easy. The decision itself hasn't been easy. I know though, deep down inside of myself that this is something I have to explore. I have tried my very very hardest to be this place, to be the person who fits this place. But, I'm not her. I'm stifled. My voice is muffled. I am not me. I know that if I do this it will make a lot of people unhappy, it will change the way people see me forever. It is something I have to explore. I have to know. Most of all I have to try.

So, for my 28th birthday I bought myself a plane ticket to a potential new life. I bought myself a plane ticket to exploration and adventure. While it is a potential beginning to a very difficult couple of months, it is something I need to do. I have to figure out who I am and what I want to be. Wish me luck, March seems like forever from now.