Black and White.
Originally uploaded by Nix Sidhe

Really, it's nothing new that I am finding it hard to sleep tonight. For the last 6 months I have been keeping to a fairly regular sleep pattern, if you can call it that. Most nights of the week I sleep between 0 - 4 hours. Most days I find myself tired between the hours of 10am - 2pm. I. Do. Not. Nap. Ever.. It's a cool breezy Wednesday night/Thursday morning. The sky is still inky black, but the morning and work is a storm cloud of impending doom just on the horizon.

Every now and then I get extremely lucky and I'll sleep more than 4 hours. Take for instance my trip to San Diego, one afternoon I fell asleep and slept for 13 hours. Here and there I will go to sleep and wake up 6 hours later feeling decadent. It's a true luxury to sleep that long anymore. The only way I can describe this whole thing is that I am often "tired," but I am never "sleepy." Does that make sense?

I'm really not concerned about this. When I was sleeping all the time because I was depressed, I felt like shit constantly. I was groggy and always wanting more more more sleep. Now, if I can managed at least one night of 6+ hours I feel ON for the remaining 6 days.

The only things that bother me are the fact that 1. I have to go to work most days so if I do end up sleepy at some point, my work performance suffers and 2. I'm not being nearly as creatively productive as I've been hoping to be.

I'm wide awake, watching bad horror movies, and wishing this bed wasn't empty.